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NYC Crazy Stories
I’ve always believed in the old saying that we must live life to the fullest. I am here to do just that. NYC Crazy Stories serves as a vessel to share my wacky, but real, NYC stories where NYers can identify with and non NYers will see what REALLY happens in NYC. Crazy, funny, odd and overall hopefully entertaining as well.
My name is KATHLEEN....
I first came to NYC in 1991, moved to PA for a bit in 2009, and moved back in 2021. All in, 20+ years in this crazy city. During my tenure here, I have amassed some interesting stories and observations. Someone outside NYC once said to me "no one really believes your stories". Well, if you spend ANYTIME in NYC you would know they are all real. Fortunately or unfortunately. I don't need to make this stuff up. So sit back and enjoy!
Breaking it Down....
This blog consists of both longer Op Ed type pieces on NY and observations. The observations will fall into a few categories which I have titled below to make your reading more efficient. The latest or newest posts will be first but scroll to see them all. (I hope)
1. I'm Walkin Here- Observations on my daily walks
2. Oh Waiter- stories from my time as a room service waiter in the Four Seasons Hotel (includes many celebrity run-ins. FYI: I won't mention negative stories with names, sorry.)
3. Dunkin Hostel- there is a Dunkin Donuts near me that a selection of... um, people... sell their wares out front or inside on a rainy day. I am pretty positive the wares either fell off a truck or were found on the street. The collections are usually pretty odd and unique, so this is an account of what was on sale that day.
4. Only in NY kids- I'm stealing this title from the old Page 6 from the NYPost and the always fabulous Cindy Adams, but this is just stories that don't fit anywhere else.
Oh Waiter!
Jerry Garcia
Let me say up front that I was a teeny tiny deadhead in college, or a wanna be at the least. Went to many concerts where I didn't make it past Shakedown Street or the carnival, but loved their music.
Fast forward, 1994 Grateful Dead was playing in NYC and they stayed at the the hotel. At the point Jerry Garcia's wife had him on a health plan, all organic and a treadmill in his room.
I was so nervous the first time I met him and when I enter the room I see Jerry with, no kidding, red shorts and white t-shirt on the treadmill, full white beard looking like Santa Claus. He smiled real big and introduced himself while his wife and I handled the meal. I waited on them their entire stay and got to chit chat with them, pleasantries really, however we talked about the concert he performed and he was really happy with that crowd and performance.
When they left the hotel, they left me a gift basket as a thank you. All organic and natural foods, first time I saw Miso, and these tiny little Tabasco sauces sprinkled throughout with a nice note of thanks. (mind you this was probably regifted but didn't matter the card of thanks was for me).
1 year later Jerry Garcia died and instead of feeling sad, I felt this warmth that he died happy and knowing he was loved.
Only in NY kids.....
Waiting outside for someone and there was a flatbed truck with construction equipment on it parked right in front of me.
A homeless man, unsteady on his feet and curious, comes wandering by and goes up to the truck to get a look at the equipment. All of sudden the driver honks real loud and the homeless man jumped.
Honks again, homeless man starts lowly cursing and wobbles away.
Truck driver is still honking, this time 3 long times in a row. Homeless man, who is now past the truck, starts yelling "what man? what?".
At this point I'm even questioning why driver is still honking.
With that the driver comes out, jumps on the flat bed and yells "yo man, I'm trying to give you money. Do you want to eat or not!!!" Money and conversation exchange takes place and each move on. Only in NY kids....
A New Yorker Hibernates
Hibernation Season. This can also be referred to as the “season of lethargy” where one is in the state of reduced physical and metabolic activity. Not so sure about the metabolic chemical thing, but reduced physical activity? Check. Lethargy? Check. For most New Yorkers, this season officially starts January 2nd. The tourists are gone, Times Square is clean-ish, Broadway tickets are super discounted, and the depending on which street you turn down at any given moment, the cold wind throws you into the first stages of hyperthermia.
Me, I start planning for this hibernation around September, as it helps me get through the busy holidays by giving me goals. Just like bears, I start to prepare my “den” during this time as well. Do I have enough cozy blankets? Are my slippers clean and not too warm, but sturdy enough to walk into the trash room of the building without putting on real shoes? This may sound silly, but this is a real concern. I make sure that my air conditioners and portable heaters are cleaned and working properly. Yes, you read that right, air conditioners. Let me explain that one.
In many prewar buildings, which there are a ton of in NYC, you don’t control your own heat. In one sense this is good because you don’t pay for the heat, yet bad in another sense because, well, you don’t control your own heat. It can be even worse if your super (superintendent if you will) does not live in the building. The old adage was that the heat kicked on Oct 15th and was shut off April 15th. If October was particularly warm that year, tough, you’re getting heat. If the cold spell trickled into May, tough you had no heat. If you live on an upper floor, heat rises, need I say more? Any good New Yorker will always have their portable heater and air conditioner at the ready. It’s a game of balance that takes years to perfect, but when you move, you must start that dance all over again.
My reduced physical activity during this season is limited to stretches to pull the blanket up to right under my chin, lifts to pick up the remote that falls on the cold floor, and curls to secure the hot cocoa which is consumed at exactly the right speed and velocity. Don’t laugh, I too have perfected this with many, many years of failed hibernations. Cocoa must be drunk quick enough to gain the benefit of the heat but not too quick to burn you, also not too late that it is now room temperature, defeating the whole purpose of making it in the first place.
September is when we start seeing the start or season number 17 of favorite TV series, which I work into my hibernation plan as well. What Series can I watch, binge if you will, over a long period of time without really moving and not be 100% bored? Think about that for a second. Tricky, isn’t it? Game of Thrones and Queen’s Gambit were some of my past winners. It can’t be too short, so limited series are out. Movie franchises like Bourne or Mission Impossible can also be contenders. To be frank though, after watching 75% of the first Bourne, I didn’t see how this could hold my interest for the subsequential films. They are looking for Jason Bourne, he must hide, he doesn’t know who he is, big deal. Louis on my street corner has been going through this for fifty years, and honestly, it’s not that interesting and he even has two eyes that look sideways. However, what makes this plan hard, is when everyone is talking about Game of Thrones, and you haven’t seen it yet. I feel like those die-hard sports fans that don’t see the big game live because, God forbid, their aunt had the nerve to die, and they had to attend the funeral. They then spend the entire time hiding from others, covering their ears, and avoiding all human and technological contact until they watch the game. Almost seems like the Bourne series in reverse.
Like our friends the bears, people are the biggest threat to this hibernation season being a complete success. Don’t invite me, interrupt me, or cause me any undo issues with my lengthy lethargy.
With my apartment prepped, shows teed up, hot cocoa bought, and heating/cooling system a go, I am ready for the peace of hibernation. The joy and calm of it all accompanied with the pure comfort knowing that many of my neighbors are doing the exact same thing, separate, but together. Then, when Spring is in the air, I will toss off the blankets of security, forgo the temperature balancing act, and store the hot cocoa packets, and emerge into the New York air just like the bears, grumpy and hungry.
Happy Hibernation!
CONFESSIONS OF A NEW YORKER AT CHRISTMAS
Tourist season is in full swing in NYC. Thanksgiving to New Years is one and a half months that New Yorker’s dread the most. The tourists descend on us just as I imagine Noah and the ark animals when they finally embarked on the “new world”. Two by two, running wild towards the lights, and standing frozen in awe when they get there. We DREAD having to go anywhere NEAR Times Square, Bryant Park Market, 5th Avenue, and don’t get me started on the Rockefeller Tree crowd. (It’s a big tree people, move on!) Believe me, I am that jaded New Yorker that grumbles like Mr. Scrooge and has no issues shoulder checking a crowd walking five across side by side on the sidewalks.
However, I have a confession to make. This is a difficult thing to say, and I might lose my NYC ID, but honestly, I see so much joy here at the holidays. While secretly I complain about it, I love when someone comes to visit during this time and insists that I play tour guide. Just to see the magic in someone else’s eyes when they witness that big old tree lit up with more lights than their entire hometown, fills me with pride and yes, joy. The smell of those roasted nuts on the sidewalk when you rise from the subway stairs, makes me feel like a kid running after the ice cream truck. I have witnessed MTA bus drivers who somehow manage to get the ENTIRE bus singing Christmas carols, and it makes me happy. Mind you, at the time, I must keep the New Yorker snarl on my face while I sing “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas” under my breath. One of my favorite things to do is to take a long, cold walk with hot chocolate and sniff all the sidewalk Christmas pine trees for sale as I walk by, like a dog with his head sticking out of a car zipping down a summer road, total joy. I am also a sucker for those cheap, tacky 99 cent stores that replace their shelves of weird name brand products for a hodge podge of holiday decorations. I may not buy a lot, but it is sure fun to look. Sometimes I go in and out of these stores rating them against each other on who’s topping the tackiness barometer this season.
Afterward, when the weather gets bitter cold or it starts to snow a little too much and any visitors I had have left, I huddle in my apartment listening to the sweet song of the radiator hiss, watch the electric lights of emergency vehicles outside, and I thank God I am here. Then, I feel bad for all those tourists who must go home and miss the continued magic of New York. Especially that big ole tree. (NOTE: if you mention my secret holiday joy to anyone, I will deny, deny, deny. I can’t give up my ID after all.)
Merry Christmas everyone!
Dunkin Hostel
Sale items for the day:
#1- Today there was a brand new box of Entenmann's pastry stomped and left on
the doorstep of Dunkin. No sales today, cops were out!
#2-Fresh flowers, vitamens and a pie- just one pie, flavor completely unknown
#3- Toilet bowl cleaner, extra stength Tylenol, hand held drills
#4- Clorox Wipes, elbow pads, and underwear in packs of 3
#5- Tiny cans of cat food, School notebooks being safe guarded by the homeless man's head fast asleep on top of them!
#6- Shampoo, ladies underwear, electric heaters
#7- Scented candels, slippers, extension cords
#8 Calvin Klein Men's underwear, saline solution
#9- Knee braces, Airborne pills, computer monitors
Oh Waiter!
Janet Jackson
Not much of a big exciting story here, but I served Janet Jackson a few times in her room at the hotel. She was extremely quiet, full of smiles and seemed nice. However, the first time I saw her I literally could not stop staring at her. She had the most beautiful skin, complexion of anyone I had ever seen. Seriously it got awkward people! SOOOO glad I decided NOT to reach out and touch her face like I wanted to do!
Only in NY kids....
Overheard in Central Park (man talking to a woman):
Him (in one long breath) : If I send someone an Instagram and the checks all remain blank, that means the messages weren't read right? I mean, I wasn’t sending him that much. Do you think he blocked me? I mean his last boyfriend had a heroine overdose that he still claims was a "bad reaction" to the latest vaccine for god's sake-
Her (emotionless): He punched you in the face two weeks ago honey, it's over.
(Pause)
Him: You think?
Only in NY kids.....
Oh Waiter!
Joan Rivers
When the Four Seasons Hotel opened in NYC, they threw this grand party throughout the lobby. The who's who of NYC and Hollywood were there and it was packed, like a crowded subway during rush hour but in tuxedos.
All staff was asked to serve food and drinks on fancy trays and as soon as we brought them out the door, the tux people would attack and all would be gone.
After a while at this, feeling exhausted and frustrated, I enter the party, yet again, with baby rack of lamb appetizers and this time I hold it so far above my head so that people in the middle of the room might have a chance to eat.
As I push my way through I hear this distinctive voice of Joan Rivers " That's the way you do it! Good for you! These people are vultures! But I love a little lamb" She smiles, I lower the tray and she takes her lamb and I smile and walk away.
Only in NY kids....
Two men selling their wares on the street in Washington Heights. One man has a Weber Grill selling mystery meat, another man selling some bottles of cloudy liquid with a sign that read "Homemade Colon Cleanser"... uhhh... no thanks, I'll take my chances with the mystery meat. UNLESS.... the cleanser is for after the meat then that just might be marketing genius. Only in NY kids....
Oh Waiter!
Garry Shandling
I love Garry Shandling, let me just preface that. When he checked into the hotel the first time, there was a gift basket for him with mini muffins. So I deliver food to him the first time and he said "you know about these mini muffins? you know them?" "um. yes, sir" "Please it's Garry. Could you get me some of those mini muffins?" So everytime he came to the hotel I made sure those mini muffins were in his room. And everytime he came into the hotel, he would request me as a server.
Fast forward to around 1993 or 1994 when Garry was hosting the Grammys (again. He did not get good reviews prior). So I went to his room to serve and he started reading jokes to me and asking my opinion. He had a wild nervous, frenetic energy, but all fun. And I gave him honest feedback. Leading up to the day it got to where he was ordering nonsense just to have me come up. He would sit me down at the table to do joke after joke. Only one I remember, unfortunately, was one about Snopp Dogg and referencing Doggy Style. I shook my head no. I said it's not that it's off color, it's just not funny.
When Garry died at the young age of 66, I felt that.
BTW: Watch the documentary by Judd Apatow on Max called: The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling.
Only in NY kids....
Car stopped at a light with a FULL-size small Yankee Candle on a rope handing from the mirror. I guess he didn't want to buy the ones designed for the car. Interesting way to save a few bucks, but don't you actually have to light it to get the smell? Only in NY kids...
Oh Waiter!
Toni Braxton
Toni Braxton was big back in the 1990's and was a frequent guest at the hotel. Many times I would go outside the hotel to get her and her boyfriend or family chicken wings or other food, but she was always generous with tips and incredilby nice.
One day she ordered champagne to the room. Now, I was fairly new and had not perfected my champagne opening skills. So there I am struggling with the cork and she comes over, takes the bottle, leans against me close and whispers "slowly, slowly, it should sigh like a woman". Yep. Changed the way I look at champagne to this day, not to mention how I open it.
Only in NY kids.....
On a crowded local bus in my Harlem neighborhood, when traffic comes to a complete stop then a slow crawl. As we move forward, we pass the culprit. A flatbed truck carrying a full supply of live chickens in wooden crates had stalled in the lane.
As we pass, the lady next to me pulls out her phone and googles "where to buy live chickens near me". Only in NY kids...
Oh Waiter!
Jason Alexander
As a room service waiter we were tasked with putting fruit baskets and welcome gifts in the rooms before the new guest arrives. On the rare occasion the "old" guest might be still in the room, so you have to verify.
So I get a fruit basket to deliver to a room for Mr. Jones (don't remember the actual name on the card). I go to the door, knock, wait a second and open the door with my key. Standing right there was Jason Alexander. Yes, Seinfeld Jason Alexander.
Needless to say I was not expecting him there and he had his jacket on so in my surprise I said "Oh Mr. ahh.. Jones... are you leaving, leaving" "No m'am I am just leaving and you are staying but not staying staying" as he whipped past me out the door. Good ole' George!!
Only in NY kids....
Beautiful sunny day in NYC today after the weekend of rain. On my lovely walk today there is man also taking his morning walk with a scowl on his face coming toward me holding his cell phone.
As I pass I hear he has the Rain App playing loudly on his phone. I guess not everyone was happy about the sunshine.
You do you, sir.
Oh Waiter!
Michael Stipe/ REM
Hotel food is expensive. Sometimes it was embarrassingly expensive. REM was holding a gathering/ meeting in a small suite and they ordered something like 15 large bottles of water. Now, we only had Evian and they were some ridiculous prices of $20/ bottle. So imagine getting a bill for over $300 for WATER!
Well, Michael Stipe was so nice but legitimatley shocked at the price. He then apologized but said something like "I can't in good conscience pay that price for water I'm sorry".
It was then my turn to apologize and I offered to go to the local bodega and grab some water, which I did, got paid and all were happy.
He was extremely nice and tipped appropriately. CRISIS AVERTED!
Only in NY kids....
Passed a homeless looking man on my walk today, sitting on his walker seat.
HIM: How about a joke?
Ok I'll bite, so I walk over.
ME: Sure
HIM: Clean or dirty?
ME: Clean.
HIM: I just bought these sneakers from that drug dealer over there (as he points) I don't know what he gave me but I've ben tripping all morning!
TOTALLY worth the $2!
Oh Waiter!
The Queen: Miss Aretha Franklin
36th Annual Grammy's, 1994 in NYC. I am working as room service and The Queen herself is staying at the Four Seasons. She was going to be performing "A Natural Woman" at the Grammys that night. For dinner she ordered a large meal- I remember meat and potatoes of some sort- with a lot of dishes that takes me a while to set up.
I enter her room and she was very nice and says something like "you can just set up in the bedroom, I'm still getting ready". So I go to the bedroom a few small feet from the bathroom where she was getting ready putting on make up or something with the door opened.
As I was already floored by meeting the Queen herself, I am smiling just being in her room and setting up. THEN all of a sudden she starts singing
acapella from the bathroom. I honestly don't even remember what she was singing, but I stood there, already finished setting up and had my own private concert. One of my best memories.
Only In NY Kids
Walking behind two men carrying a black casket down the street next to a church on 97th St. As they proceed to take the casket through the side gate and into what I presume is the basement, they must have seen the look on my face like WTF? One guy says "Oh, this isn't a dead body, we keep our equipment in here". I like a guy that can find multiple uses for items... carry on sir, carry on and praise God.
Oh Waiter!
John Goodman
John Goodman, the massively talented, multi-faceted actor, rented a room at the 4 Seaons's Hotel. Early evening he places a room service order for a bunch of appetizers. I go into the room and ask where to set up and he is as nervous and jumpy as a 3 year old. He asks me to set up in the living room area. As I am setting up, he tells me that he is having a production meeting or something about a possible movie opportunity and he's a bit nervous. I try to calm him and say he can't go wrong with this spread and he's got this and I leave.
Not even 20 min later I would say we get a rush order for appetizers for Mr. Goodman's room again. I go back up and he is now in full panic and said something to the effect "I am so sorry, I was so nervous that I ate the ENTIRE TABLE of appetizer. Please, they will be here in a min!" All ended well with the food, not sure what movie it was but his career obvioulsy didn't get impacted. Nice guy.
Only In NY Kids
Man walking out of the liquor store carrying two bottles, gets to his wheelchair near the curb, lifts the seat and puts bottles in there and then rides away. Genius, my friend. Now if that seat was a cooler....??? Hmmmm
Oh Waiter!
Mick Jagger
I worked at the Four Seasons Hotel from, I believe, 1993 - 1995-ish. It was brand new and I was a room service waitress. (this was the one on 57th street). My shift was 3pm- 12am.
The top floor of the hotel is one HUGE penthouse and the next floor down is split in two. Two very large suites.
The one suite overlooks Central Park.
Mick Jagger was staying in that suite and ordered a variety of food to prepare for his family coming to visit. I set up the food and when I handed him the check, I noticed the view for the first time. It was a gorgeous spring day and the view of Central Park was, well, breathtaking. I was mesmerized. So mesmerized that I did not realize that Mick Jagger was trying to give me back the signed check.
When I "came to" I took the check and blurted out "you are so lucky to see this view everyday". Now it was his turn to be taken aback, first at me for speaking up and then he looked out the window. We just stared at the view together for a few seconds and he said "you are right. I am very lucky". I thanked him and left.
I'm Walkin' here....
Personally, I hate January in NY. It's cold out, dirty snow, no one outside, and a bunch of dead Christmas trees laying on the tree for pickup. When I saw this picture, it made me smile. A NY'er making the best of the situation.
Only in NY kids.....
When living in Gramercy Park, I was leaving the Union Square subway station one night during the after work rush hour and stumbled on a truly unique site.
Tons of people blindly walking home and up ahead on what was 17th Street a car literally falls about 1/2 way into a sink hole. People rush over, others call 911 but one gentleman simply stops, takes out his saxaphone and starts playing. Asbestos smoke and the sound of jazz just made this an iconic NY moment. (btw driver was ok too!)
Thanks!
Thank you for reading and hopefully enjoying!
If you want to learn more about me as an actor/ writer, please visit my webpage: www.kathleen-regan.com
ENJOY THE WONDERS OF THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY!